Lloyd Omdahl, Published November 25 2013
Omdahl: Oh, those quirky seniors
Here is a test that will help you evaluate their quirks. If you get fewer than five correct, you need to visit a local nursing facility soon.
1. Why do folks eat supper earlier and earlier as they get older?
a. The cost of groceries may go up by six o’clock.
b. Food is addictive and they need a fix – now!
c. Dr. Oz may demand a reduction in calories on his next program.
2. Why do seniors feel that the younger generation is going to the dogs?
a. It’s envy because they are no longer a part of the younger generation.
b. They think age and wisdom are correlatives.
c. They think rock music belongs in nursing homes.
3. Why do seniors get more serious about church as they age?
a. They want to be sure that they will get a Christian burial.
b. They recall some of the things they’ve done in life.
c. Church on Easter and Christmas may not cut it with St. Peter.
d. God may not mark on a curve.
4. Why do they dress sloppier with every passing year?
a. Nobody manufactures clothes that shape.
b. They can’t find their size at the thrift store.
c. They think nobody cares so why should they.
d. They want to fit in with the younger generation.
5. Why do seniors go to bed at 8:30?
a. To save on the utility bill.
b. There’s more sex on TV than they can handle.
c. The 10 o’clock news is the same as the 6 o’clock news.
d. After playing bingo all afternoon, what else is there?
6. Why do they dash for Arizona and Florida in November?
a. To get used to the heat in case they got religion too late.
b. It’s cheaper to wear the same clothes year-round.
c. Their long underwear wore out years ago.
d. So they can better appreciate North Dakota.
7. Why do older folks think they are entitled to senior discounts?
a. Society owes them for living so long.
b. Why should they quit chiseling just because they retire?
c. They are saving for even rainier days.
d. They noticed that everything is overpriced.
8. Why do they prefer Fox or MSNBC for their political analysis?
a. They are experiencing brain cell deterioration.
b. They want their biases confirmed.
c. Thinking at any age is dangerous.
d. They no longer have time for detailed answers.
9. Why do they both oppose and support a balanced budget?
a. They love Medicare.
b. Ambivalence is in style these days.
c. Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.
10. Why do seniors dislike “contemporary” music in church?
a. This racket is not a joyful noise unto the Lord.
b. If God wanted contemporary music, he would have created people without ears.
c. Seniors can’t sing without melody.
Omdahl is a former North Dakota lieutenant governor and retired University of North Dakota political science teacher. Email firstname.lastname@example.org