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Michael J. Olsen, Fargo, Published August 10 2012

It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad political world

Barack Obama’s real birth certificate is locked in a safe in Mitt Romney’s Swiss bank account, waiting to be sprung at the right moment, while the name of Romney’s running mate is encoded in John McCain’s Senate floor speech taking Michele Bachmann to task for accusing Hillary Clinton’s aid of ties to terrorists in the Middle East.

If Tiger Woods had won the British Open, it is widely known that Joe Biden would have resigned as vice president to clerk for Chief Justice John Roberts at the Supreme Court.

Jessica Simpson’s baby weight has become such an issue in the House of Representatives that they have been unable or unwilling to address the pending expiration of the Bush tax cuts.

Meanwhile, recent nuclear advancements in Iran have resulted in the departures of Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez from “American Idol,” making room for Sen. Al Franken’s return to show business.

Locally, Heidi Heitkamp’s decision to expose Rick Berg’s six years in the Oil Patch looking for arrowheads has forced Kevin Cramer to admit he once went “cow tipping” with Pam Gulleson back in the day when they were both members of the Medora Musical’s Burning Hills Singers.

You can trust me on all this, or just ask Ann Curry … if you can find her. You might try the Cayman Islands.