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John Lamb, Published February 28 2012

Lamb: Proposed Oil Patch ‘Party’ should be put out to pasture

It didn’t take long for word to spread about the planned “Party in the Patch.”

And it’s not a particularly good word.

The plan was for a Memorial Day weekend shindig to bring women out to the Williston, N.D., area to meet the lonely men of the Oil Patch. It sounds kind of like a Bakken version of “The Bachelorette,” only dirtier – in many different ways.

In fairness, organizer Troy McKinley told The Forum: “This is not going to be a sausage fest. I’m trying to avoid that, to put it crudely.”

Yes, he’s trying to avoid putting it so crudely as to repeat the claim on the event’s website: “This will not be a ‘sausage fest.’ We are shooting for at least 1-2 women for every 5 guys present at this event.”

Right. It’s not a sausage fest when it’s 1½ women for every five guys. Sounds more like a tea and crumpets party.

Actually, we can’t call McKinley an organizer yet, or even a party planner, as the party really only seems to be in the proposal stage. This week, he acknowledged that he didn’t have a location or any necessary permits for the event.

Psssshhhh. Who needs to bother with details when you have a website? Especially a website that lacks details.

The site, www.partyinthepatch.

com, promises dinner, live music, dancing and “other festivities,” like “Ameture arm wresteling,” (I take it this is the French spelling?) ultimate fighting, vendors and “fun.”

I’m glad he’s advertising “fun” at a party, but what about the vendors at this Midwestern mixer? I’m assuming he’s reached out to Trojan, Sheik, Ramses and other condom manufacturers. And manufacturers of the morning-after pill. And for that matter, kiosks for lawyers who specialize in sexual harassment.

Nope. The only one listed is Taco in a Bag.

Classy. Nothing will bring in the ladies like walking tacos, ultimate fighting and armature alms wristing (sp?) or whatever he had planned.

Oh, and how could I forget: Fun.

And where will all these classy broads come from? Minneapolis and Chicago, where he’s advertising the event. And the dames will sign up because it’s only $19.95 for the weekend festivities, and $150 for the dudes. Not sure if women who serve in the military can claim the $25 veterans discount, and actually get paid $5.05 to attend.

Too bad Jimmy Castor isn’t around to make “Troglodyte (Cave Man)” the event’s theme song.

I shouldn’t be so hard on McKinley. He’s trying to come up with a creative solution to a problem. I’m sure it’s tough to meet women out west. I just don’t think he should take his cues from that stinker of a movie “Herman U.S.A.” And can’t you find a better name? Party in the Patch just sounds so nasty.

So here’s a suggestion: Aim higher. As in north of the border. According to eHarmony, there are lots of women in the Winnipeg area looking for love. And as an added bonus, many work in the medical field, which could come in handy for your party.

Readers can reach Forum reporter John Lamb at (701) 241-5533