John Lamb, Published February 21 2012
Lamb: Waxing on ’staches
If you go
What: Bros on Broadway
When: 6 to 10 p.m. March 1
Where: Hotel Donaldson
Info: Tickets are $25. (701) 478-1000
A funny thing starts happening in mid- to late February among some Fargo men. And I mean funny, literally, because some dudes in downtown are sporting some pretty silly moustaches.
This is timed for the Bros on Broadway event at the Hotel Donaldson on March 1. It marks the end of FeBROary, in which participants raise money on behalf of the American Cancer Society to fight prostate cancer. It’s like the smaller brother to the more popular Bras on Broadway – which benefits women with breast cancer – in October and a distant cousin of MOvember.
While the October bras event features the HoDo wrapped in bras like a scandalous Christo art project, we Bros don’t have anything as sexy to show. Who wants to see a prostate? I believe that’s why men don’t look when the exam is performed, but I’m not a doctor.
Instead, we grow facial hair. Those of us who already have winter beards shave them into something, well, maybe not sexy, but showy.
Guys style their new soup strainers into ’70s-era Toms (Sellecks, that is), or surrealistic Salvador Dalis or any other shape to tickle people into donating.
This election year I modeled mine after heavyweight president, William Howard Taft, often overlooked despite his size. (Though some people see it as more Al Swearengen, the poetically foul-mouthed saloon keeper in the HBO series “Deadwood,” and I’m OK with that.)
Man cannot get his moustache to stand up alone, so this is a time of the year where guys buy an inordinate amount of product. Based on my hairy experiments, here are some notable styling aids and one to avoid.
<•> Clubman Moustache Wax ($19.95, 5 oz. tube) – After trying this, I fear tube waxes because this one looked and smelled like model glue – and not in a good way. The best thing about this package is that it comes with a dainty moustache comb.
<•> Murray’s Superior Hair Dressing Pomade ($3 for 3 oz., $4 for the commemorative Obama tin) – An oldie but a goodie – endorsed by boxing great Joe Louis – the orange tin is still available in most drug stores and one of the cheapest products available. While it’s traditionally used on Afros, waves and pompadours, the product is strong enough to twist a ’stache. The drawback is the petrolatum-based product sticks to your fingers.
<•> Firehouse Moustache Wax ($8 for 1 oz. tin) – As the name suggests, this product was developed by a firefighter – and one from Mississippi, no less – so it’s durable, even in heat and the strongest on the market. Firehouse isn’t cheap, but a little bit goes a long way. Knowing that a percentage of each sale goes to a charity (this year’s benefactor is a children’s home) fits nicely with those growing for FeBROary.
<•> Botanical Skin Works’ Bay Lime Conditioning Oil ($14.95 for 4 oz.) – If you find your beard gets a little too bristly, a couple pumps of this will help soften your disposition. The sesame oil-based product also helps skin beneath from drying out and the bay lime scent is a nice addition. According to the company, the product, “is a huge hit with some religious orders where beards are required.” So if it’s good enough for someone’s god, it’s good enough for you.
Readers can reach Forum reporter
John Lamb at (701) 241-5533