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Published February 04 2012

Swift: ‘Jean pool’ coughs up scary slacks-ers

I am sometimes concerned about the prevalence of drug abuse in the fashion industry.

How else can we explain this latest baffling fad: drop-crotch jeans.

These droopy denims showed up on runways about a year ago, but are inexplicably slogging their way onto the store shelves of mainstream retailers like the Gap.

If you haven’t seen them yet, picture this: They are what would happen if MC Hammer’s pants and jeggings fell in love.

While part of me is relieved to see jeans get roomier – albeit in the least flattering area imaginable – I can’t imagine who would look good in these. Even the straw-thin mannequins modeling them look like they’re re-enacting a “Dorf” skit.

What’s next? Maybe Isaac Mizrahi will introduce “Justles” – blue jeans conveniently padded with a bustle. Or perhaps DKNY can release its Jips line, comprised of dungarees that conveniently inflate around the hips whenever you stand up.

Even so, drop-crotch pants aren’t the lone members in the Sisterhood of the Hideous Pants. History’s jean pool is filled with bad, dated or downright hideous entries. Among the low-points:

Now if you’ll excuse me. I need to run to the mall for some “Justles.”

Readers can reach Forum reporter Tammy Swift at (701) 241-5525