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Jack Zaleski, Published December 03 2011

Zaleski: Waiting patiently for a call from God

There was no full moon last week, but the lunatics called anyway. Here’s the best of the lot:

“You know that guy who predicted the end of the world?” the called asked.

Yes, I do, I said.

“He was right. It’s over.”

I don’t understand, I said.

“It’s over,” the caller said. “Over and out. Ended just like that guy said it would … I’m sure of it.”

I was confused. I asked, what do you mean? Nothing happened. Nothing ended on, what was it, Oct. 21, right?

“Oh, but it did,” the caller said. “God works in mysterious ways, you know. We think everything is OK – that the world did not end – but it did. This is all in the Bible. You read the Bible, don’t you? Book of Revelation? Daniel? It’s all there. Now we wait for the second coming.”

Second coming?

“Of the Lord!” he said. “Even you must know about that. Didn’t you go to Sunday school when you were a kid? Now we wait.”

But I don’t understand how the world ended in October. I mean, things seem to be perking along just like always … sunrise, sunset, winter weather.

“You just don’t know, do you?” the caller said. “It’s God’s work. It’s all part of the plan in the Bible – Book of Revelation, you know. Not everyone understands, you know, and you newspaper people aren’t telling the story …”

Well, we have reported about the man who predicted the end of the world – two or three times now – and nothing happened. The story gets a little old.

“I told you it did happen,” the caller insisted. “It’s just that most people can’t see it. That’s God’s plan, too …”

God’s plan? I said.

“Darn right,” he said. “And you media people need to write the truth …”

But if it all ended, what’s to write about?

“You really don’t get it,” he said. “You’ll be among the lost and damned, and I think you’re mocking me, aren’t you?”

No, not at all. Listen, I said, here’s my idea. Give me your name and contact information. I’ll write about our little talk in my Sunday column, and maybe people who see the world – or the end of the world – the way you do might want to talk to you about it.

After a long pause, he said, “No, no, I don’t want to do that. God knows how to contact them, not me. God will contact them. And you, too. He’ll contact you. I’m sure of it … I’m sure of it.”

It’s been a few days. No calls from the Almighty. But, you know, if it’s going to be a call from God, the best thing to do is wait patiently …

Contact Editorial Page Editor Jack Zaleski at (701) 241-5521.