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Published September 09 2011

Morast: Breaking the rule of Vegas

You all know the rule: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Well, I’ve never really liked rules.

That’s why I’m sharing some industry secrets on hooking up passed on to me by the coolest ex-boxer-turned-welder-turned-cabbie in all of Las Vegas.

He was driving me to the airport while providing a lesson on how he, an average-looking guy who drives a taxi, has a very busy social life. These tips are culled from interviewing the women he drives around Sin City, and from his part-time job working at a popular nightclub.

These are good tips. Very obvious tips. But tips every single guy should read because, well, I want to help all you single guys put a ring on it.

I hope this helps any single guys lamenting over their lacking love lives.

And if any of you women are fuming over this with allegations of chauvinism, just realize one thing: Men are clueless.

Ladies, you’re intuitive enough to know when a man is interested in you. We’re not. I’ve been married for six years, and I still have no idea why my beautiful wife settled for me.

And a warning to the guys: My wife laughed at these tips from the cabbie. So maybe what works in Vegas only works in Vegas.

‘Merger’ denied

Nick Stoltman, the former Moorhead High and Moorhead State (I’m going old school) quarterback was booted off the reality TV dating show “The Ultimate Merger” last night.

It’s a bummer for all the people who pull for the locals on these programs. It’s also a bummer because Stoltman was an awesome quote machine, spitting out lines that dance on the boundary between moronic and profound.

An example: “The girl’s got more balls than a bingo game.”

To be clear, I didn’t see last night’s episode. But the set-up from the previous week’s installment ended with Stoltman stuck in the center of a tense white vs. black kerfuffle that left the show’s prize, model Tocarra, yelling at the men she’s supposedly smitten with. It’s easy to imagine why Stoltman was sent packing.

I tried to get Stoltman on the phone Thursday to talk about the dismissal, but I was – along with his publicist – unable to locate him.

Maybe he was playing bingo.

Readers can reach Forum Features Editor Robert Morast at (701) 241-5518.