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Mike Butler, Published April 11 2010

Gettin’ my seat on a death panel

Now that the Satan-inspired Nazi Health Care Reform has been passed by the majority traitors in Washington, Red Square D.C., I decided to get a seat on one of them there new Death Panels. I figured it’s the best way to make sure me and my family don’t get on that list for “Early Retirement,” if ya know what I mean.

So I went to Paranoid City, Alaska, to meet with my new personal best friend, Sarah P. She’s the expert on the subject, so why not go to the top?

When I got to Sarah’s compound, one of those tea parties was goin’ on. It was a very gentile and classy ice- cream-social-like event. Most were calmly chanting, “If it’s right for just some, then it’s not right for none.” I didn’t know what that meant until I saw some retired people burning their Medicare cards and a few middle-aged folks filling in opt-out forms titled: “I Refuse Medicare for Future Use.” Wow! When they say they really hate government-run health care, they really mean it! I was impressed.

I ran into Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., too! (My brush with greatness.) I asked how her family was doin’. She said, “Grandma isn’t shovel-ready.” Good for Grandma.

Anyway.

I had a short, you betchya chit-chat with Sarah. She told me if I wanted to get on our region’s “Northern Tier – District 9 Death Panel,” I had to contact the newly formed U.S. Department of InHuman Services at www.we-see-dead-people.gov. Great. Just what we need. More government bureaucracy.

I asked Sarah what credentials were needed for a board seat. She was kinda vague on that but did say it involved some sorta round robin fight-to-the-death with other applicants. “Just think Spartacus,” she said.

It was grueling. But since I already got my seat, I thought I would pass this info along if ya wanna save your family, too.

Because now, thanks to the Democrats, we’re the Evil Empire. But if we wanna enhance and thrive? We’d better adapt and survive first.