John Lamb, Published January 23 2010
Lamb: Welcome to the bandwagon, Vikes fansWooo hooo! Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!
That’s right, the big game is right around the corner. I know you’re pumped to watch the game with friends and cheer on your Minnesota Vikings, but I wanted to talk to you about something.
Let’s talk over here, where it’s private and quiet.
You see, the thing is, I know you’re pumped about the possibility of the Vikes going to the Super Bowl, but I also know – how to say this delicately – well, you’re kind of jumping on the bandwagon, aren’t you? Yeah, I thought so.
How do I know? Well, you’re reading the Life section, for one thing. If you were a true fan you would be reading the pre-game stories in Sports.
Don’t worry. Sooner or later everyone gets on board with a winning team. It’s hard to love a loser, even if you’re a Detroit Lions fan.
So don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. But I don’t want you to give yourself away. So here are a few tips to make you blend in with the rest of the purple people at the party.
1. You know that number 4 Brett Favre football jersey you love wearing ever since you got it for Christmas? Don’t wear it. I know Favre is the reason the Vikings are waiting to board the plane to Miami (pssst… that’s where the Super Bowl is this year), but talk about Johnny-come-latelies, Favre didn’t even join the team until halfway through training camp. Besides, once Favre throws his first interception – oh, and he will – longtime fans will groan about “same old Brett.”
2. Speaking of jerseys, stay clear of the guy in the Jared Allen jersey. He’s liable to get excited about a sack and tie you up with a cord from a crock pot.
3. Oh, the guy in the tattered Chris Hovan jersey – don’t even talk to him. Nothing good will come of it.
4. Every time Adrian Peterson handles the ball, chant, “Don’t drop it. Don’t drop it. Don’t drop it.”
5. Whenever someone invokes the name Bud Grant, just nod solemnly. In Minnesota, the coach of the Purple People Eaters is as close as a mortal comes to godliness, somewhere in between Moses and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Conversely, if someone mentions Les Steckel, giggle endlessly.
6. If kicker Ryan Longwell misses a 38-yard field goal, roll yourself into the fetal position and start mumbling, “It’s happening again,” over and over.
7. And Grant forbid the Vikings lose the game, remove that Favre jersey right away, lest you be burned by scalding nacho cheese sauce in effigy.
Hate to say I told you so. … But hey, spring training starts in three weeks!
Readers can reach Forum columnist John Lamb at (701) 241-5533